To say that I struggle to take it easy, is a major understatement. I am so very task oriented. I am happiest when I have accomplished many things. I wake up in the morning and immediately have a very ambitious to-do list, that can only be accomplished if absolutely everything has gone perfectly according to plan. I am most upset when at the end of the day I have not crossed every item off the proverbial to-do list. What’s more, is that I always tell myself I will sit down for a cup of tea after this or that thing is done and then shift the goal posts once I’ve got there. So the kettle is constantly being boiled throughout the day, but very seldom actually used for its ordained purpose.
Hands up if you can recognize what a terrible set up this personality type is for motherhood! Once there are children in the mix you can put 90% of your to-do list into the wishful-thinking category.
Yesterday was one such day. I had more to do than I knew I had time for. So I started the day frustrated before I had even begun. It’s sad, I know.
But I think God had a plan for me yesterday, that was rather different from my own plan.
We are about to leave for a week’s holiday at the beach and I had been given the most glorious birthday gift of a full pedicure that I have been saving just for this moment, so I can have beautiful beach feet. But the week before holiday is always chaos. And so my list was long for yesterday.
I wrote off the whole morning in my head, knowing what frustrations lay ahead of me if I didn’t. But the long to-do list loomed and so there was this underlying tension, because rest and to-do’s can’t coexist.
But then…. I sat in the chair, feet in a vibrating tub of water, rusk and tea on the side table, and just found myself letting go. And as I let go, I could see it all from a little more distance and gained some perspective. We had just finished off the entire school year, having to push ourselves towards the end because we were tired, and I was still stuck in push-mode.
What I have so often allowed the enemy to succeed at, is to get me into task mode, to push and rush me. Then, when it is time to rest, I still have all the things I want to do that I never get time for, and then I know I NEED to rest. When I feel that rest evades me because my head is so busy, I get resentful, frustrated and angry.
But if I can just get into God’s rest, go from there, then I will see that God defines success not in the many things I do, not in the many boxes ticked, not even in the physical realm. God looks at the heart, and a frustrated, driven heart is not beautiful. In fact, sometimes God has told people to do things that rendered no physical result at all, an yet, they were successful. Jesus’ entire ministry on earth was misunderstood for all the time that He was with the people, because He didn’t become king, he didn’t build a new temple, he didn’t free Israel from Roman rule.
May my spiritual eyes be pried open, so that I can begin to see all that I fail at as all my physical little boxes are ticked on my long list of wasted time on things that rust and that moths will eat. May I begin to lay up for myself treasures in heaven instead of on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. Matt 6:19,20