In my struggle with anxiety, I have often felt like a failure. Christians aren’t supposed to be anxious, we should be filled with peace. We should be trusting God. I have felt even worse when I have had episodes of depression, because Christ died so that I may be set free, and so that I may have joy.
Praise and worship does help against depression, it gets the focus off me and onto God. Serving others also helps, because I realize I have a lot to be thankful for, and again, it gets the focus off me. What helps even more, is asking for prayer. I have a beautiful Spirit-filled friend I can call any time of the day, she has great authority in the spiritual realm, when she prays she moves mountains, and lifts oppressive spirits.
Still, I have experienced condemnation when I have been anxious or depressed. Condemnation on top of anxiety and depression, is not helpful, it adds to the burden. What doesn’t help either, is the realization that my life is wonderful, I have a lot to be thankful for, and absolutely nothing to be anxious about.
God has recently given me some revelation that has helped me offload the extra burdens. I watched a movie with my husband called London Has Fallen, a Hollywood movie about the American President and his security man battling it out against terrorists. While watching, God quietly said to me: “This is why you are so tired and anxious.” I immediately understood, this is what had been happening to me in the spiritual realm. I had been fighting battles that I knew nothing about. That helped me a lot. Just a valid reason. I wasn’t weak, just battle weary.
Another revelation less than a week ago helped me feel less like a failure. I was reading in Matthew, about Jesus and the disciples being in the garden of Gethsemane, just before Jesus was betrayed. I had read it hundreds of times before, but not in the context of dealing with anxiety, and then I suddenly saw it- Jesus was anxious, His heart pounded in His chest, He faced fear. I am not a failure when I am anxious.
But within moments of anxiety I can be brave, get up and keep going with God, trust Him in it. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean I have failed in God’s eyes, but staying in anxiety, letting the enemy win, that is failure. Without fear, you can’t be brave. Bravery is carrying on in spite of fear.
Jesus was anxious, but He chose God’s will in spite of His anxiety.
I will endeavor to keep at it, to keep choosing God’s will for my life, in spite of the anxiety. That is the whole point of being human first before we become spiritual beings in heaven, is to feel all the range of negative emotions, and to choose God in spite of them all.