I would like to implore you to please just let it go. Whatever it is, forgive yourself. Let yourself be. Enjoy what Christ did for you. Get all that you can get out of your freedom in Christ, for your sake as well as for His.
Christ has already paid the price. It was a huge price to pay, but it is done. What an insult to Him, when we do not to live in the fullness of Christ. Not forgiving yourself doesn’t make the burden lighter for God. All it means, is that He would have done it for nothing, because it’s already done.
Allow yourself to be loved by God, because you already are! He loves you completely and entirely.
The more we dislike ourselves, don’t forgive ourselves, berate ourselves, criticize ourselves, the more of a waste His death for us becomes. Why waste Jesus’ blood? It is a lie the enemy would love you to believe. That you are not good enough, that your life means nothing, that you have to work harder, that you cannot make it, that you are falling short and that you are condemned. Don’t let him lie to you, and most especially, don’t add insult to injury, by sidling along the enemy and condemning yourself.
The best gift you can give to Christ, is to accept His gift and live in it. Live in the fullness of Christ, forgive yourself, love who He made you to be, enjoy your gifts, allow yourself to sit down and enjoy the moment. Just live for once, without all the burdens pulling you down. Feel it lift off of you. Relax every muscle in your body. When you allow yourself the freedom to just be.
Our enemy would love to keep you in this place where his world keeps us bogged down and stressing about things we can’t change, instead of living changed lives to the full, bringing glory to Christ. The greatest testimony, and by far the most attractive to the world out there, is the freedom we are able to live in. We don’t have to be anxious for anything Phil 4:6.
Why be like Atlas, with the world on our shoulders, when Christ has already defeated it all, and is freely sharing His victory with us? Let’s live that victory to the fullest by living like we’ve already won, because we have!
The best part of living free, is that when we allow ourselves to be free of the bondage of sin and death, we are naturally inclined to let others off the hook as well, we stop judging and start loving. This sets us apart from all other religions. Jesus Christ, the only way, who gives us undeserved love and grace, by which we can extend undeserved love and grace, blows people away! When they expect judgement, but receive love instead.